Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
