It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Also, beer. Big fan.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
