It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
