dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize