i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
