I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Randomize
