Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
worst night to have a conscience
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
