YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
