Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
