these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Randomize
