hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
