I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
