but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
