YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
