Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
