so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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