you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
