What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
