I seem to have left my pride at pride
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I didn't notice because vodka
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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