sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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