You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
