I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
