i wish there were pregnant emoticons
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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