Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
