you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
