then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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