I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
