maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize