so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
