youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Well I just put wine in my tea
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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