As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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