Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
