where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
