I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
