And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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