there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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