I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize