how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
