five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
