I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
