my mouth tastes like poor choices
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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