I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
