It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
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