I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
