of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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