he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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