lets start a swedish sibling band together
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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