So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize