If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
