I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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