As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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