If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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