you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Houston, we have a blender
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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