I am in a vortex of obligation.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Randomize
