I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
