My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
