She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
