So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
