You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
