They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
ok first of all what the fuck
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
