when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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