I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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