Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
