An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
