Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
