it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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