return my video game
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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