and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
