dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
