Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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