oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
